Questions

What does it mean to have faith?

Is it just a word we use on Sunday when the preacher sets us aside?

Is it just an act for people around us so no one is exposed to our true feelings?

Or is it something more?

Can a person believe in something, feel something, hope for something that isn't there?

When faced by the jaws of reason can you block out the dark and see a light that doesn't exist?

Or does it?

Faith is such a wishy washy word.

Or at least the thing we have faith in is always unsure.

So why is it so desirable to have faith when statistics almost entirely prove you wrong?

It seems that human nature grasps the rope of uncertainty in hopes that the pain and horror of life is not all.

It seems that human nature craves a deeper meaning, a higher being, a celestial state to strive for and to strive to be.

Is it better to hold to to that invisible rope that leads to an unknown world beyond who we are?

Or is it better to face and accept the numbers and the science presented on earth?

Is it better to succom to the popular opinion or hope for a better solution?

Do people ever really have faith or is there always a certain nagging in the back of the mind reminding them that the odds are not in their favor?

Questions

Questions

Where are the answers?

Questions 

Questions

Questions

Brick Monuments

Pretty cool eh?

Reason's Why I Hate Being Alone

• It is terribly boring.
• I talk to myself more... 
• I tend to eat more so as to fill the silence with my chewing.
• Every sound is terrifying. 
• The door is never completely shut when I pee.
• Cleaning feels pointless and unrewarding.
• I make the cat stay inside to keep me company.
• No one motivates me to get my work done.
• There is no one to bug... so I start bugging myself.
• I count to three when turning off the lights at night, then I race the devils to my bed.
• There is no one to say goodnight to... except myself...
• When I accomplish something there is no one to celebrate with.
• I tend to play games with myself... and then quit early because it's boring.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm stressed.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm scared.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm angry.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm sad.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm happy.
• There is no one to talk to when I'm excited.
• There is no one to worry about me when I leave the house.
• There is no one to interrogate my dates.
• There is no one.
• It is extremely lonely.

Today I Woke Up Loving You

Today, I woke up to the smell of your shirt dancing in my mind,

to the sound of your voice tickling my ears,

to your breath warming my veins,

to your touch,

your caress,

your hands in mine.

I woke up to the realization that I had left my heart in your pocket.

Your eyes

masters of persuasion,

allured me into your embrace

and I don't think I ever left.

I woke up to the painful sores on my shoulder that your burning tears had left.

Your trembling lips still trembling on mine.

Your words written on my skin "Don't go"

I never meant to hurt you.

I never meant to hurt you.

I woke up to the once confusing feelings 

even more perplexing than before.

My intentions were to make things right.

My desire was to love you enough to sacrifice.

But now I have woken up to a rope tied around my waist.

It's connected to your waist, you know.

I woke up to the ever growing appetite to laugh with my best friend,

To feel that strange connection as our words fill holes in life's massive puzzle,

To enjoy the silent energy of sitting side by side.

I woke up to a fairytale coming true,

And I shouted to the world, "Walt Disney had it right!"

My prince was real and a prince he was, 

A prince of the kingdom of my love.

I woke up to a promise.

a promise to always stand beside you,

and to sit next to you,

and to lie forever in your arms.

Darling,

Honey,

Sweetheart,

My heart,

My life,

My everything,

Today, I woke up loving you.

Being Human Is Having Writers Block

Being human is having writers block.

When you want to write, your brain doesn't.

All those beautiful quotes you once read,

All those times something meaningful occurred in your life,

All the love, hate, pain, joy and every intensive feeling you've ever felt

Suddenly is locked away in a safe, fifty floors down from the creative team of your mind.

All processing units have shut down, the lights are out,

no one knows where the key is to this safe,

and all the while the boss is yelling at each employee

trying to find out which idiot

decided to lock up the only memories and beautiful inspirations

that make up what this body lives and works for.

Trying with every ounce of effort to scrounge up any words worth repeating,

any thought or picture with at least a fraction of sentiment.

Papers are flying,

all the neuro cell employee's are bouncing off of each other in a panicked frenzy,

hoping that the big boss doesn't decide they're worthless;

never to give them a job again.

The brain is a mess, and you feel it.

It hurts.

All because whatever you are trying to say is on FREAKING LOCK DOWN.

Being human is having writers block.

Because...

Well don't ask me. I'm having writers block.

What is love?

I fell hard last night.

I fell into a mind and body paralysis. 

Heart racing.

Skin tingling.

Dizziness.

Breathlessness.

Dream-like.

Bliss.

All because of a kiss.

Was that love?

I felt jealousy once.

Blood boiling.

Mind racing.

Door slamming.

Tear inevitability.

Blindness.

Sharp pain.

Anxiety.

Resentment.

Was that love?

I've experienced fear.

Fear of losing.

Fear of leaving.

Fear of staying.

Fear of hurting.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of choosing wrong.

Fear of feeling.

Fear of loving.

Was that love?

I've felt joy.

Warm.

Comfortable.

Judgment free.

Safe.

Important.

Beautiful.

Adornment.

Peaceful.

Is that love?

 I've spent time with excitement.

Playfulness.

Childish games.

Energy rushes.

Laughter.

Singing.

Dancing.

Craziness.

Wild dreams.

Adventure.

In the moment moments.

Is that love?

Are my feelings only child's play? Are they note worthy, or should I disregard them? 

They're strong.

They're real.

But are they LOVE?

If not then...

What is love?

A Choice

Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.

~Gayle Forman

Any chick flick watcher, romance reader, or love seeker knows this quote from the famous novel and motion picture "If I stay". 

I am all three of those. 

Love is my passion and intrigue and motivation. It colors the dull life of reality with magic and light. 

So, of course, I fell in love with the beautiful story about a girl with a great life, great family, and great future, who fell in love. 

But, in the perfection of life, tragedy struck and this girl was left with the decision of whether to stay on earth, or let her body die. 

After love drew me in, the lesson's taught in the depths of her tragedy held me captive.

Among many notable quotes from if I stay, this one about choices in particular caught my attention.
I think most everyone can relate to this:
whether by the choice of someone cutting you off in the road and how that changed your day,
or the choice of parents divorcing
and how that changed your life. 
For me I was sexually abused by family members multiple times growing up.
It was like a volcano that never erupted, just oozed out and slowly obliterated all the beauty around it.

It affected my self esteem,

the way I treated others,

the way I viewed men,

the literal pain caused by a certain touch by anyone.

I was depressed at school so that I could have enough energy to face and help my family at home.

I read books 24/7 so that I wouldn't have to face smiling friends and act like I was happy too.

It was hard. 

The choice my family member decided to make sculpted who I am.
But don't worry! It wasn't all bad. I learned a lot.

I learned to love everyone no matter who they are or how they seem to be.

I learned to look at life in a broader perspective, to keep optimistic views even in the lowliest of situations.

I slowly learned how to break down walls and push through pain until I got to the other side of a very dark tunnel.

I learned how to help others out of their own dark tunnels as well.

I started to talk to people and make friends and I learned to love love.

And slowly, (very slowly) that obliterating volcanic eruption was made into a magnificent island.

Trust me it wasn't easy and it was very slow.

But I wanted to change so bad. And you know what? 

I'm happy now! 

And I wouldn't change any of that for the world.

Storytime :)

"I'll find it!" cried Horton. "I'll find it or bust! I SHALL find my friends on my small speck of dust!" 

We've GOT to make noises in greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!

~ Dr. Seuss from Horton Hears A Who

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

~A.A. Milne from Winnie the Pooh

"You won't let me do anything I want to do," I said. "I guess I'll run away."

That's how mad I was. 

So I packed a wagon of my favorite toys. And I packed a bag of cookies to eat on the way. Then I walked out the front door. But my friends were going to the park to play ball. "Can you come, too?" they asked. 

And Mom said I could.

I'll run away tomorrow if I'm still so mad.

~Mercer Mayer from I Was So Mad

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.

~Robert Munsch from Love You Forever

I crept downstairs so quietly that no one even stirred... and peeked outside the window to see what i might have heard. And then i saw it standing there, just waiting by my door- a fifteen foot giraffe, where no giraffe had been before.

~Mary Jane Flynn from I Though I Heard a Tiger Roar

I guess it's time for bed now. The stars are twinkling bright. We had lots of fun today. Goodnight, sweet dreams, sleep tight.

~Donna Cooner from Bedtime for Baby Bop

"You must be a friend," said Corduroy. "I've always wanted a friend."

"Me too!" said Lisa, and gave him a big hug.

~Don Treeman from Corduroy

Oh! They would put me in the zoo, if they could see what I can do.

~Robert Lopshire from Put Me in the Zoo

Good morning, sunshine! The earth says "Hello!". Go look out your window at the bright morning snow. It glistens and sparkles, what a beautiful sight! A sheet covering the earth, miles of white.

~Arethusa Esin from Good Morning, Sunshine

Becoming Inspiration

Hi! My name is Arethusa Esin. 

Well, it isn't really but for now that is the name you will know me by.

I know what you’re thinking “What kind of name is that?”. 

And, even if you’re not thinking that, I will feel a lot better about myself if I explain my decision in using this name. 

My email username is becominginspiration. Random, I know, but just wait I have a point!

This is my goal.

I have a desire to become important to someone. 

To make a difference in another’s life.

To create something so beautiful that it inspires one or two or many to rise above challenges and make their lives and other lives better. 

So, in my quest to find a name for myself, I looked up baby names that meant something close to becoming inspiration. 

I stumbled across Arethusa which means “to become excellent” and Esin which means “Inspiration”. While it sounds really cool, I chose the name mainly to remind myself to strive to become excellent and inspirational.

So this is my blog. 

A mess of words and idea’s coming together in a hopefully influential manner. 

I am no writer unfortunately, but I am a thinker. 

My mind is a beautifully large canvas that adds more detail and color and magnificence as I grow older and experience more of life. 

Getting the true art of what I feel and see down on paper is the hard part. 

So, please don’t expect Shakespeare from me. 

You won’t get it.

What I can promise you though, is that you will get the best representation of my world through the tools of words.

And trust me, it will be worth your time.