A Choice

Sometimes you make choices in life and sometimes choices make you.

~Gayle Forman

Any chick flick watcher, romance reader, or love seeker knows this quote from the famous novel and motion picture "If I stay". 

I am all three of those. 

Love is my passion and intrigue and motivation. It colors the dull life of reality with magic and light. 

So, of course, I fell in love with the beautiful story about a girl with a great life, great family, and great future, who fell in love. 

But, in the perfection of life, tragedy struck and this girl was left with the decision of whether to stay on earth, or let her body die. 

After love drew me in, the lesson's taught in the depths of her tragedy held me captive.

Among many notable quotes from if I stay, this one about choices in particular caught my attention.
I think most everyone can relate to this:
whether by the choice of someone cutting you off in the road and how that changed your day,
or the choice of parents divorcing
and how that changed your life. 
For me I was sexually abused by family members multiple times growing up.
It was like a volcano that never erupted, just oozed out and slowly obliterated all the beauty around it.

It affected my self esteem,

the way I treated others,

the way I viewed men,

the literal pain caused by a certain touch by anyone.

I was depressed at school so that I could have enough energy to face and help my family at home.

I read books 24/7 so that I wouldn't have to face smiling friends and act like I was happy too.

It was hard. 

The choice my family member decided to make sculpted who I am.
But don't worry! It wasn't all bad. I learned a lot.

I learned to love everyone no matter who they are or how they seem to be.

I learned to look at life in a broader perspective, to keep optimistic views even in the lowliest of situations.

I slowly learned how to break down walls and push through pain until I got to the other side of a very dark tunnel.

I learned how to help others out of their own dark tunnels as well.

I started to talk to people and make friends and I learned to love love.

And slowly, (very slowly) that obliterating volcanic eruption was made into a magnificent island.

Trust me it wasn't easy and it was very slow.

But I wanted to change so bad. And you know what? 

I'm happy now! 

And I wouldn't change any of that for the world.